Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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