bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
