You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think my mom watched the whole time
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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