The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
