How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
