My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
