Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
