Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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