my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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