I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
