SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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