do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
