im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
