So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
