is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
false alarm. still invincible.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
