I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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