Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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