you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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