Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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