Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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