We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
