dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
