So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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