Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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