I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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