I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
