my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
