Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
