Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
