well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
