I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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