I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize