My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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