if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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