If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
