Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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