who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
