somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
