I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
