i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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