I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize