I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
