so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
