I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
