Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
