I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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