just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
