Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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