Need sex. Gaining weight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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