I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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