im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
