Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
