i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
