She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
