"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
