We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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