i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
