Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
