I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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