No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
