Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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