scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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