i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
