And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
