i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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