Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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