Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
