i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
