well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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