Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
