where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
