booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it glows. i had to have it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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