I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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