took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
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